Requiem for a Halcyon
by KAISRE
Summary: Toris knew he was losing himself when visions of torment and suffering clouded his eyes. He began to wonder how much longer it would take before the Russian noticed, before it swept their dreams for happiness away. RusLiet / One-shot


Here's a new one-shot from me.

I hope the story doesn't seem too confusing. It's based off of an RP with Iza (twilight-oblivion here) x3 It was practically a collaboration between us.

We wanted to try something with Ivan, and well… I thought of mindrape- I mean psychological abuse Cx I hope you guys enjoy seeing this couple in a _different_ light. Kukukukuku…. (we're so evil, I'm sorry )

(and I apologize for the length x_x I'm still used to writing chapters that are part of a whole, so it may sound like I'm rambling orz )

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Requiem for a Halcyon**

_Written by Kaisre  
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There was something wrong with the atmosphere.

He tried to ignore it at first, but the inkling feeling got stronger and _stronger_ until the prickling felt like needles against his skin. It had to be something personal because only he himself could feel it. Russia was oblivious, or he was just ignoring it, but either way, Lithuania envied his position.

First, there were the hallucinations. Several times did he pass the single couch in the living room only to find a bloodstain slowly spreading on one of the seats. Several times did he stop to stare and wonder if it was merely in his head and nothing more or if it were actually there. But one thing was for sure—it always disappeared by the end of the day and return the next.

At times, he would suddenly awaken from a fitful sleep to see a dark liquid oozing from the top corners of his bedroom. It scared him—it scared him to know that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He would tremble and clench his eyes, feeling unsafe—even in the arms of Russia who continued to hold onto him under the covers, whispering words of comfort into his ear.

He didn't understand. He didn't understand why this was happening to him and every night, he _begged_ for it to stop.

Eventually these subtle illusions grew into visions that continued to haunt Lithuania anytime he let his guard down. He could never place what exactly he was seeing, but it deprived him of his rest and sense of peace. It didn't take long before dark circles found their place under his green eyes.

Lithuania wasn't sure how long he could hold out.

"… Are you tired? You're so pale…"

Ink sprayed across the document Toris was signing when he crushed the tip of his pen in alarm. It felt like a wave of cold fear had washed over him, making him quiver until he reminded himself that it was only Ivan—only Ivan who was living _peacefully_ with him now. There was nothing to be afraid of.

"Toris, the paper, what's wrong—?"

"Nothings wrong." He forced a smile onto his face, trying the mask the tiredness in his voice. "You just startled me, that's all."

Toris knew he didn't sound convincing when Russia continued to eye him and the fresh mess with concern. "You're overworking yourself. Maybe I can—"

"_No!"_ He stopped, feeling horrified. Did he just raise his voice over…? "S-sorry, Ivan. I just have to get these in by tomorrow. I'll be fine."

Russia quickly wiped the hurt look off of his face when he handed Lithuania a steaming cup. The rich smell of coffee reached his nose, and Toris found himself relaxing slightly. "There's more in the kitchen. I thought it would help with the fatigue…"

Lithuania brought the cup close, feeling the strong heat emanate from it. "It will, thank you." He paused, contemplating his reflection in the dark brown liquid. "Russia, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I…" He trailed off, not sure how to go on.

Ivan offered him a smile. "You're stressed, da? It's all right. Go on, take a sip."

He nodded, clenching the cup tightly. He lifted it to his mouth and froze. The roasted smell was replaced with a coppery sweetness. Puzzled, Lithuania looked down and met his own eyes through a veil of deep red.

With a cry of shock, he dropped the cup, spilling searing liquid all over his front and lap. His voice died down to a painful hiss when the coffee soaked through his clothing, burning the skin.

Russia was right beside him in an instant. "Are you hurt, Lithuania? _Lithuania!"_

Toris pulled away from his hands, stumbling off the couch and onto the floor. He edged away when Russia reached for him, a look of pure terror flickering in his wide emeralds.

"Lithuania…?"

The cowering nation threw up an arm to shield his face from an invisible attacker. "Please," he said, his breath in short gasps, "_Please don't hurt me!_"

Russia's heart clenched. "Lithuania," he coaxed gently, "There's no one else here. I won't hurt you, not anymore, remember?"

Toris dropped his arm, his eyes suddenly returning to normal. He looked up at Russia in confusion and made a move to get up but fell back down and grimaced when he remembered his entire front was scalded. Ivan knelt down beside him, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you feeling well?" He asked the Lithuanian, clearly worried and maybe even _scared_ for him.

It took a moment for Toris to answer as he desperately tried to calm himself down. _Ivan's here, it's okay. It's okay_… "It was just my imagination." His gaze wandered to the cracked mug, the drops of dark coffee still clinging to the broken edges. Toris ignored the burns as he quickly gathered the porcelain pieces. "Ivan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to spill it everywhere and waste it. I—" He was cut off when the Russian carefully pulled him towards himself, pressing Toris's face against his collar.

"I told you. You're working too hard, da? Why don't you go to sleep and I will take care of the rest?"

_Don't patronize me!_ Lithuania's body went rigid. _No, relax. It's fine, he's right. I just need rest…_

"Toris? There's something wrong—I know it. Tell me what's happening."

His chest was seized with a violent urge when Lithuania pulled away. _Why don't you get it? I told you I'm fine!_ He felt so dizzy and he couldn't think right. His thoughts were a jumbled mess. Why didn't Russia understand that he just needed some peace and quiet?

He stopped himself from voicing his anger despite the impatience bubbling inside him.

"It's noth…"

_Darkness_.

-x-X-x-

Lithuania was heavy with guilt and agitation the next day. He had no idea what had come over him last night, but he regretted everything. He desperately wanted to apologize to Ivan, but he knew it would sound like nothing more than an excuse.

Russia seemed to be overly-cautious around him now, driving his guilt further. He would stare at Lithuania when he thought the other wasn't looking, concerned. More than once, he would pull Lithuania in a gentle hug and he would return it eagerly, as if he were trying to channel his apology through the physical contact.

Toris had no plans to tell him about what he was seeing. The only thing he could do was hope that this was merely a phase, and that it would pass soon.

He laid down his new fountain pen over the fresh spread of documents. The sky outside was dark and Toris didn't realize how late it was until he noticed that it was silent around the house.

He was relieved that he no longer felt remorseful as he continued his work. He didn't have time to worry over nothing—it wasn't his fault after all…

Lithuania was snapped out of his renewed concentration when he heard the floorboards squeak behind him.

"Ah… Russia," he said as Ivan sat down beside him. "I thought you were asleep. Did I wake you?"

He shook his head. "Nyet. It was late and you weren't up there."

Lithuania set the pen down for a second time. He smiled at Ivan wearily. "I'm sorry. This is the last batch of paperwork, I promise. I'm almost done. You can go to sleep first if you'd like."

Russia tilted his head, an innocent look on his face. "I can keep you company, da?" He placed a soft kiss on Lithuania's lips.

"I guess you can. Thank you." His smile faltered when a faint whispering entered his ears. "Did you say something?"

"Nyet..."

Toris nodded slowly, trying to focus on his work. The whispering grew louder and more distinct. He trembled.

_No… Go away…_

"Toris? You're so pale again."

A splitting pain intercepted his thoughts before fading away quickly. Something caught his eye and he looked up. To his horror, the ceiling was bleeding again—black streaks ran up and down the wall as the countless voices grew louder. Toris looked back down at Russia, focusing all his attention into those violet depths, trying the block out the illusions.

"Toris?" His voice sounded so distant. "Toris, talk to me."

"I-I just need some silence and I'll be finished…" He was still trembling. His eyes watered as his vision flashed black and white. He turned his head back to the papers as he tried to focus on the individual words.

Russia didn't break the silence, but placed his hand against his back gently. Toris closed his eyes as his scars burned from the touch. _It's not real. The pain is__ just __your imagination. He's only trying to help. He's not hurting you. He's not-_

"_Lietuvos! Save us!"_

"_It's too cold. We won't make it, Lietuvos…"_

"_Why aren't you helping us? Why have you forsaken your people?"_

"_Lietuvos! Lietuvos, please!" _

Someone… Someone else was trying to talk to him."You… You don't have to be afraid," came the uncertain voice, "I promised I would never hurt Toris again, da?"

_He was running, stumbling and tripping into the snow, but he always got back up. He needed to run faster. Oh God, why? Why couldn't he get there sooner?_

"Don't hurt them!"

_He slowed to a stop just in time to see a Russian soldier thrust his bayonet through the belly of a woman. The people around him screamed and jeered. The soldier responded by gunning down the ones who were too slow to get away. The blood from the freshly slain corpses soaked into the ground, spreading and spreading until it reached Lithuania's feet._

_Someone was crawling towards him. The grinding of snow and slush filled his ears as the person drew closer. Toris knelt down to help him, but when the man looked up, Toris saw his cracked open skull and the brain matter that leaked out. The corpse mouthed with blue lips "Why, Lietuvos, why?"_

_Lithuania emptied his lungs and filled the air_.

Warmth… he was warm.

"… I know it's hard, Lithuania, but it's over now." Pleading.

"Russia." It took him a moment to realize that Ivan had tightly wrapped his arms around him, as if he were constricting his thrashing. His burns from the previous day grew painful from the embrace. "I-I'm okay now. Let me… Let me go." His voice shook as instability took over.

Russia obeyed. Lithuania struggled to form his words as anger replaced fear and resentment replaced confusion. "S-sorry… I'm just exhausted, that's it. Go to sleep before me, I'll be finished soon."

Ivan reached forward to cup his face but his hand dropped halfway there. He cast him a dejected look before standing up. "D-da…" He made his way up the stairs, his feet dragging over the steps.

_It's all your fault. _"I-Ivan?" He called out before Russia was out of sight. He was on the very top step when he paused, listening. "N-no matter what happens… I'll al-always love you, okay?" _It's your fault that I'm like this_.

Russia offered him a sad smile. "I'll always love you too, Toris."

Lithuania buried his face into the fabric when he was left alone. His arched fingers almost pierced into cushions as he let out a muffled scream.

_Why did you let him go like that? He was so trusting, so vulnerable. You could've won this time!_

_Don't think like that. _Lithuania got up, swaying on the spot. _I'm just stressed. Water, I need water… These feelings will go away in the morning._

Using the wall for support, Lithuania made his way into the kitchen. He opened the nearest cabinet and carefully took out a clear cup, filling it with water. He chuckled lightly before he could stop himself.

_It doesn't matter—I'm glad I accepted his proposal. Now I have all the time in the world…_

His sight faded in and out as he clutched the glass with a vice-like grip. He violently shook his head to clear his mind. Eventually, his vision returned and he realized he was holding a knife instead of the glass.

Startled, Toris jerked backwards, knocking the glass behind him to the ground.

His resistance shattered along with it.

_What's… What's happening to me?_

-x-X-x-

Russia collapsed into bed, alone and depressed. He curled up, clutching his chest as it ached with remorse. Tears flooded his eyes for he knew the Lithuanian wouldn't be there to see them.

_Toris… I'm so sorry. Because of me, you've turned into something… Something different_.

It was true. His eyes were no longer pure, his smiles no longer innocent. Russia wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the other and shield him away from his insanity. But… It was Ivan himself who had dragged Toris down into his darkness in the first place.

Seeing the other suffer like this tore the Russian up from the inside out. He knew madness well—day by day, the original Lithuania was deteriorating and there was nothing he could do but watch.

"Forgive me…"

He sat up abruptly when the sound of glass shattering reached his ears.

Lithuania's name was the first thing to flash through his mind when he rushed down the stairs.

_Please don't let him be hurt, please don't let him be hurt…_

He stopped at the doorway to the kitchen. "Lithuania?" He asked, afraid of what he would hear in response.

Lithuania's head was bowed, a curtain of brown hair obscuring his face until his head snapped up at the sound of his name. Animalistic green eyes were fixated on Ivan who stepped into the room, defying all the reasonable thoughts in his head.

"Ivan," his tone was loving and gentle, but it sounded so _wrong_. "I told you to go to sleep. Why didn't you listen to me?" Russia noticed that in one hand, he was holding a knife while other was gripping his side, as if he were holding back laughter.

This… This was not his Toris.

"I…" He shuddered when an unnatural chill descended upon the room. "I heard noises, so I thought something might've happened. Toris, I know it's difficult, but listen to me—control yourself."

Lithuania tilted his head. "Control? It'll only be for a little bit. I told you I love you, so it's fine… You'll forgive me for this, won't you?" He stepped across the glass like there was nothing there. Russia cringed when he could hear the crystal shards puncturing his skin. "If I do this now, they'll finally stop trying to talk to me. I… I hope you understand, Ivan."

How he purred his name imploringly and how his tortured eyes matched his words sent a knife of guilt through Russia's heart. "No… don't. You're hurting yourself." He took a step back as Lithuania advanced on him but in a few staggering strides, he managed to corner him against the wall.

"It's okay," he whispered almost comfortingly, as if he were pacifying a scared child, "It will be okay once this is all over because I still love you, I really do." Toris leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth with abnormal fervor. Russia felt no desire to continue the kiss when Lithuania broke contact, smiling up at him with hazed-over eyes.

He frantically searched his thoughts and remembered how Lithuania's gentle embraces and soothing words would bring him back from his own insanity. Ignoring the protests in his gut, he lifted a hand and cupped Lithuania's cheek as gently as he could. "Will it make you feel better?"

Toris smiled and for a split second, Russia thought he had won until he saw the mock innocence under the expression. "I want to do this for you. I've been making it so difficult for my poor Ivan, haven't I?" He pressed the knife into Russia's hand and forced it up to his own collar, cutting a thin line partially shadowed by his brown locks. "Watching me bleed made you so happy."

Russia's breath hitched in his throat as looked at the blade in shock, seeing the beads of blood gathering at the edge. "N-nyet!" He gasped, seizing the knife back, away from Toris's skin. "I don't want this." He stepped back, breathing heavily.

A look of disappointment crossed his face and Russia convinced himself that he was faking it. "You don't like me?" He asked, sounding wounded, "You're hurting my feelings, Russia." He stepped closer, shrinking the distance between them again. "Say, will you stop me if I try to strangle you? Will you kill me in your defense, or will you let yourself be killed by my hands, knowing that your poor Toris will be upset when he realizes what happened?" He grinned, all the sincerity dropping from his face. He lifted a finger to smear the blood from his cut, spreading it in a broad line.

His stomach felt sick at the sight of red. He focused on Lithuania's eyes, trying to reach through to him. Russia knew insanity well, but in his mind, this was not his Toris. "I will never hurt Toris again—it's a promise not even you will make me break." He breathed deeply, wondering how strong his own resolve was. Russia _did_ know insanity well, and this Toris was seeking power over him.

He already had it.

Lithuania's fingers were stroking the sides of his face and Russia wanted nothing more than to pull away from his touch. "What about you, Ivan? How do you know your Toris will be fine when you're gone?" He took Russia's hand again and positioned the knife over his stomach. "If you make it quick, you can spare me the horror." He placed another kiss, this time on his neck, whispering, "Or I can take you instead."

Russia's blood ran cold. All of it… It wasn't possible. He… He _wouldn't…_ "You wouldn't dare." Ivan hated what was happening, he hated how this Lithuania knew how to control him, and he hated how his palms were so _warm_ against his cheeks. He looked down at Lithuania in despair, his gaze pleading. "Toris… Don't make me…" He hugged the Lithuanian tenderly, feeling the soft locks of hair against his face and _begging_ that he would stop.

Lithuania separated from him. "Make you?" He blinked, looking surprised. "Of course not, there will be no fun in that." He tucked a silver bang away, smiling and imitating sanity. "Ivan has two choices, I wonder what he'll pick." He suddenly gripped Russia's hand and brought the knife forward, grazing his side. "Ah, oops…"

Ivan shuddered in revulsion at the crimson blooming over the tear in his clothes. The knife felt like a whip in his hands and he imagined lashing the object over Toris's precious skin as the latter cried for forgiveness. … _No, never again._

"I-if I do, will you leave us alone?" His words faint with fear and dread.

Toris chuckled—his normally pure voice desecrated and twisted. "_Da_. Kill me quick, and it will be _all_ _over_. Just stab here and bring it all the way up." He pressed his index finger against the base of his neck. "Can you do that? There might be a mess, but I think my dear Ivan can handle it…"

All the color left his face when Ivan nodded, relinquishing from the other's grip. "D-da…" Tears escaped his eyes and streamed down his face. Lithuania seemed to find satisfaction in his torment as he gazed at him expectantly.

Ivan's fingers were sore from holding the handle of the knife too tightly as he tried to keep it still. He felt something stir within him, urging him to obey Lithuania and draw the blade through his skin. _No, not Toris. I promised him…_

"Don't cry. Toris doesn't like it when his Ivan is sad. Laugh, laugh for me and keep on laughing when the blood stains your hands like it did mine." His cold eyes glinted, devoid of their usual compassion.

A mirthless laugh came out at the request before Russia glared at him with rage and agony, confronting the monster in front of him. This person never gave him the sweet kisses he craved or the warm caresses he desired. This person only wore Lithuania's face, only _spoke_ his kind words. He angrily flung the knife away, his emotions raging. "W-what are you playing at? Ivan promised he will not hurt Toris anymore, and he won't." He roughly pushed the Lithuanian against the wall, pinning his hands in place. "Toris," he begged, "come back."

Lithuania only tilted his head, seemingly unconcerned. "Toris is suffering because of you," the pain in his voice sounded so real and Russia felt his will dissolving even when he knew this was just another one of his games. "'Why?' he's asking. 'Help me, Ivan… Why won't you put me out of my misery? Why are you doing this to me?' "

The strength drained from his body as Lithuania attacked his fears. His legs gave in and they both slid down against the wall with Russia's arms circled tightly around his waist. "Nyet… I thought we could be happy…"

For once... It felt like Toris would never return to him

-x-X-x-

Lithuania felt euphoric. He didn't understand why he had even bothered to resist embracing this feeling. It was truly a wonderful thing to be experiencing. He hadn't struck Russia once and yet with mere words, he had managed to reduce him into a crying mess as he begged for "his" Toris.

"Nyet… I thought we could be happy…"

Mad laughter burst from his lips. It was hysterical, uncontrolled, and he kept laughing until his head swam and everything felt _surreal_.

"_I love you."_

_He cuddled into the crook of his arm, smiling broadly as his cheeks flushed. "I love you too, Ivan." His words were sweet and simple, but he meant every single one of them._

_There was nothing to be heard except the songs of birds and trickling water. Young stalks of grass tickled their faces as Russia intertwined their fingers, gazing fondly at his dearest._

These... these were _lies_!

"_R-Russia, what are you doing here?"_

"_You're not happy to see me?"_

_He gulped. "No… That's not it. I just wasn't expecting you. D-did you need something from me?"_

"_It's been years, Toris. I've had enough nightmares."_

_He didn't understand. What was Russia talking about? "Ivan—?"_

_He stepped through the doorway and wrapped his arms around Toris before he could finish. "I don't want to be alone anymore."_

_Lithuania was startled. "A-ah, Ivan… This is really sudden and all…" Russia let go, permitting him to breath again._

"_I love Toris." He fell to his knees, burying his face into Lithuania's waist. "All this time I wanted to see you again, but I was sure Toris hated me after… after everything."_

_Lithuania was at a loss for words. "Russia…"_

"_I want to be with you again. What does Toris want from me? I'll give anything for you."_

"_Russia," he said gently, placing his hands on either side of his head, "Never beg me. I would never ask it of you."_

_He nodded, apparently calming down. "… You were always so kind to me." He let go and stared up at him with pleading eyes. "I've already lost enough people, Toris. I don't want to lose you too." He grabbed his wrists, squeezing them as he pulled him down to his level._

_Lithuania touched their foreheads together. "I'm still here. Now come inside with me, the doorway is no place to be sitting at."_

He choked on his cachinnation. To his horror, tears were pouring from his eyes as his hysteria diminished. _No! I got this far… I won't give up for things like this!_

_He was taping bandages around Russia's wrist with trembling fingers. "Why did you do this? If I didn't find you on time, you could've been really hurt…" _

_The bathroom smelled of alcohol and stale blood. There were still red streaks on the side of the tub._

_Russia's head rolled to one side. "I… I wasn't thinking… I'm sorry, Toris."_

"… _Will you stay with me?" They were in the living room now and Russia was on one knee. He brought Toris's hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle with loving care. "You can say no if you'd like, but I love Toris so much; I want to be with him."_

_Lithuania's face glowed. "I'd… I'd like that."_

_They were standing outside now, amidst an October sky. Lithuania gazed solemnly up at the symbol of his people's faith. "… No matter what happened, they always came back to replace the destroyed crosses."_

_He sensed Ivan's discomfort and acknowledged it, "It's okay. I know Ivan had his faith too. It was never your fault for what your leaders did."_

_Russia felt like disagreeing but he only brought Lithuania close, covering him from the cold wind. "It's different now," he whispered, "things in the past will never happen again. I won't hurt you anymore, I promise."_

_Lithuania sighed, contented. "I know."_

Everything else was covered in a black haze as Lithuania was pulled back to reality.

Russia was restraining all of his movements as he buried his face into Toris's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Toris. I really do love you, but I don't want to see you go…"

_Love… We don't hurt the ones we love. Oh God, what did I do?_

"I-Ivan…" He choked out.

"_Ya lyublyu tebya,_" he murmured. "It's okay now, _lobuv moya._"

He wanted to scream out—to_ forget_- but there was no breath left in his lungs to do so. "W-what… what did I _do_, Ivan?" His question ended in a whimper as he clung to the other. His memory was blurry but he could still remember the feeling of total dominance and pleasure. "_Tell me this isn't real!_ It's all a hallucination like everything else, isn't it? _Please_, Ivan…"

"It's okay," Russia said again, caressing his hair in gentle strokes. "You didn't do anything wrong. This is all a bad dream, you can relax now…"

Toris stifled his fresh sobs. "I tried not to… _Why_ did it happen?"

"Shh…" He took him in his arms and stood up, placing a single kiss on his forehead. "It's over. It never happened. In the morning, you will forget everything, da…?"

Russia carried him up the stairs, speaking to him in soft tones to quell his fear. His own chest felt like it was being crushed, but the best he could do was convince Toris this was not reality with his lies.

"It was only a nightmare. Shh… Close your eyes and everything will be fine when you wake up." He placed Lithuania in the nearby bed, pulling the covers over him.

Russia saw the exhaustion set in his eyes, even in the darkness. He was stopped by a hand clenching his sleeve when he turned to leave. "I don't want to be like this," Toris said faintly, his tears drying, "Tell me… tell me how to stop it."

His heart twisted painfully at the desperation and helplessness in his murmuring. "Stay strong, Toris. Remember, _nothing happened_. Forget."

Toris nodded, not unlike a small child. He closed his eyes slowly. "Don't be afraid," Russia finally breathed.

Russia knew insanity well—he knew how it always felt like a distant dream the morning after.

He hated lying, but it was necessary for Toris's sake. He hoped Lithuania would hold onto these lies he had fed him instead of his deepening resentment.

And he wondered… he wondered how close their dreams for happiness really were.

**_xxxx_**


End file.
